Progress Isn’t Linear: What Grief Taught Me About Healing and Strength
Hi everyone — I haven’t been posting much this year, and I wanted to share why. In March, I lost my mom after two and a half months in the hospital. The weeks leading up to her passing were incredibly difficult: navigating courts, guardianship, and making impossible end-of-life decisions. The months that followed were just as devastating.
Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. As you can imagine, it took a mental and physical toll and I needed time and space to heal. While fitness has always been my outlet and a way to feel grounded, this year it felt different. I didn’t have the energy or interest to work out or write, and those things even felt overwhelming at times.
The past six months have taught me that taking care of yourself mentally is just as important as taking care of yourself physically. Rest is okay and it doesn’t mean failure. Honoring what your body needs is its own type of discipline, and showing up for yourself in ways, big or small, is what matters. I’ve also learned what a gift it is to have an amazing support system — I honestly don’t know what I would have done without my partner, friends, and family.
In a recent conversation about loss, a friend shared a metaphor that really stuck with me: think of grief like a ball inside a box with a pain button. In the beginning, the ball is so large it hits the button all the time, causing unrelenting hurt. As time passes, the ball shrinks. It hits the button less often, but when it does, the ache is just as intense.
This really resonated with me because back in March, the grief felt enormous. It consumed every part of my life. Now (and I suspect forever), there are good days and bad. I miss my mom every day, but now I can smile when I think about the great memories I was lucky to have with her.
This may be the most vulnerable thing I’ve shared here so far, but I want to be honest and open about life and the lessons I’ve learned (and continue to learn) along the way. The biggest takeaway? Be kind to yourselves in your own struggles, whether that’s life transitions, mental health, or grief. Fitness is just one piece of the puzzle — it’s important, but so are the other pieces.
Grief has taught me that strength isn’t just about pushing forward. It’s also about resting, stepping back, and allowing yourself to heal. Just like lifting: if you don’t rest, you sabotage your gains or risk injury. Some days the weight feels lighter; other days it knocks me down. Both are part of the process — in the gym and in life.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for being here and sticking with me. I’m excited to get back to writing more about health, wellness, and my gym experiences in Boston and beyond.
